


Change is Strange

by DeathjunkE



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Marauders' Era, Racism, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 07:16:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathjunkE/pseuds/DeathjunkE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The house was empty when I got home. The quiet was nice, it wouldn’t last, but it was nice. I didn’t want to leave. The water was always hot, there were no drafts, the floorboards weren’t ripped up and there were no chains on the walls anywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change is Strange

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Strange How We Change](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/8831) by Escribo. 



> Fair Warning; Remus is depressing here.

"Your room is still here. Why don’t you come home RJ?"

Right about then I would usually remind my father that I wasn’t six anymore, that my name is Remus and that Remus is his name too, so shouldn’t he be able to remember it? But I didn’t want to waste my time. I knew he'd just plow on like he never even heard me. Not to mention I needed a loan and was banking on his good humor.

"Dad, please. I —I just want to give this a fair shot." 

I knew asking Dad for rent money was a bad idea but I was out of options. I hadn't worked enough hours before I was sacked; most of my time these days was spent in bed. March was always the worst month, February cut things short, and there were two moons in one month. 

"Dad, I'll send you the money in two weeks, I'm looking at a part time position at a antiques shop." 

"You wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. I've got my pension and the vegetable stand does all right. I'll take care of everything." 

"Dad, I gotta go. I'm out of change." 

I slammed the phone back onto its cradle and left the booth. I had a pocket full of coins but that wasn’t going to change anything. I was still a werewolf, I was still unemployed, and I was still short for rent. I could have made that in two shifts! If only they had waited until Friday to give me the boot.

I'm stuck either taking my father's money or taking Peter’s shit if I'm late for rent again. As if I haven’t covered his cheap arse every time we go to the pub. He cant pay his own tab but he can pitch a fit when I'm in a bind.

The house was empty when I got home. The quiet was nice, it wouldn’t last but it was nice. I didn’t want to leave. This was the nicest place I lived for years. It was large, the water was always hot, there were no drafts, the floorboards weren’t ripped up, and there were no chains on the walls anywhere.

I liked the freedom of being able to walk through the house and not be constantly reminded of what I was. I didn’t always have to think of it when I caught sight of the chains or felt the scratches and splinters of the floor. I never smelled my own blood on the fabric of the sofa. I didn’t want to leave. 

I heard the pop of apparition in the main room and decided it was time to vacate the premises, or at least go where they wouldn’t look for me. I started heading for the back stairwell, the one that led up to the top floor and the roof beyond that.

"Moony?"

"Yeah, James."

"I thought you were doing the late shift tonight. I swung by the shop to see if you wanted to get lunch…"

"Yeah?" I could see the concern etched on his face and wanted to scream. It’s not that I'm ungrateful or that I don’t love my friends. I don’t want to be a burden, a freeloader, or anything else. I just wanted to be independent, normal, just for a little while at least.

"Claire told me, I'm so sorry."

"'S not your fault, don’t worry. I'll get something else, I'll have rent for you too."

"Don’t worry about that, I'll spot you if you need me to."

"James, it’s alright, I'm a big boy now. I can take care of myself."

I heard the front door click closed and knew it was Peter before he even called out to James. "Don’t worry, I'm fine. I promise."

"Well alright, then."

I hiked up the steps just as peter turned the corner.

-*-

Sitting up on the rooftop is calming. When ever I'm up there I can't help but think of all the times I climbed the tree in the yard of my childhood home— well, the first one anyway. 

When I was small and my parents hadn’t sold the farm to pay for bogus lycanthropy cures, I would climb the trees in the yard and watch everything that happened below. I watched my family and the farm hands moving through life for hours at a time, making up stories and names and believing myself a king watching over his empire.

Nowadays, I people watch and pretend I'm normal just like all of them. I know I don’t have it as bad as some others might, but it’s just humiliating that I cant ever really grow up, I'll always have to lean on someone. I don’t want that. I want to take care of the people I love, not be a hindrance.

Once James moves out Peter is sure to follow and rent will double. I can't afford it and I know it. Looking over the town like this won’t be possible soon. After this month I'm going back to live with my dad.

I heard the gravel on the roof shift; it was too loud to be a bird. 

"You're missing dinner. It's my night."

I smelled the curry on him and wanted to smile. Sirius couldn’t cook, but he could find the best take out for miles no matter where he was.

"Curry, then."

"You like my curry."

He knows damn well that I like more than his curry. "Your curry, yes." I just wasn’t in the mood to sit down there with all my cheerful friends; it was like rubbing salt in the wound. Look what you'll never have again, Remus. Enjoy it while you can! "I'm just not much up for company." 

"What are you doing up here anyway?"

"Nothing." I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. We both knew why I was up here, I needed some space and some time to cope with everything. "Thinking."

"About?" That's Sirius for you, persistent and willfully obtuse all at once. "Bad day at work?"

"Yeah, but at least that won't be a problem anymore." I'd be leaving soon and then I'd just work on my father's land; no boss, no limit to sick days. Just Dad's guilty looks and the agonizingly hot sun on my back.

"They let you go?" It wasn’t a question; this was what had been expected. Getting that job in the first place was like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"My skills were incompatible with their current needs." 

Preston put it a different way: “Don’t show up tomorrow, Lupin. You can’t come every day, don’t come any day.” But the end result was the same.

"Aw, fuck." Sirius threaded his finger through his hair and sighed. 

I felt guilty then; he shouldn’t have to worry over me like this. To save face, I pretended not to notice when they slipped a bit of cash into my jacket pockets. I couldn’t let this go on. We were friends, brothers; it isn’t right for me to take advantage of their kindness like that. 

I kept my eyes straight ahead, looking off at the park watching the kids chase each other around, then at the twisting river to the west. I didn’t want to look at Sirius. Looking at him would only make things harder. He'd do that wide-eyed devastated thing that made me say yes to just about anything. 

"My dad wants me to go back home,"

"You don't want to go." Another not-question. 

It was a blunt fact: Sirius hates semolina, shrimp makes peter gassy, James wears glasses, I don’t want to go live with my father. It wasn’t anything that we didn’t both already know.

"So, you'll stay."

God, he was always so sure. Sirius has unshakeable confidence. I don’t know if it’s bred into him or just his personality, either way I love his confidence. I envy him for it.

You'd think by now I would stop coveting the things I know I can’t have. God it's so pathetic it’s funny. "If only it were that easy."

"Why can't it be?"

"Nothing about me is ever easy. I mean, he asks every time this happens. I mean, tells me it's okay and not to worry. He's got his pension from the Ministry and sells what he can from the garden to make extra. I could have my old room back." I hate saying it, but I need to come to terms with it myself. There is no point lying to myself now is there. "The grand adventure done and I can just tick off time between fulls."

I feel Sirius lean his weight against my side and I glance to the side. He's nothing short of glorious on a bad day, but with the setting sun making him glow he's breathtaking. He's looking straight at me sorrowful, earnest and imploringly. 

"I want you to stay."

“Only because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t. Lily says I’m genetically predisposed to only care about myself so pity’s out completely.”

I had to grin there. Yeah, I admit Sirius is rather shortsighted. It wasn’t until recently that he realized that the things he does affects other people. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, he just genuinely didn’t know. But despite all that he was always trying to help someone out. He was anything but selfish.

I nearly jumped when I felt his hands on my waist. I wasn’t expecting that; I welcomed it of course, but it was still a surprise whenever he touched me. I'm scarred and awkward and depressing. Sirius is everything I am not, and I still can barely trust that this all isn’t a really long and cruel hallucination.

“I really want you to stay.”

"Yeah, well. Maybe then because you're likely to kill Peter if it's just you and him after James is married next month."

If I didn’t know better I would say Pete's Animagus was a cat.

"Peter's leaving, too."

"Is he?" That was a lot sooner than I thought. I'd have to leave this month then.

"He told James, not me. He got his own place, though James says it just a bedsit in Chalk Farm."

"I wouldn't have thought he'd go for a Muggle area."

"Close to James as he can afford, I suspect." Sirius' tone of voice was derisive, as if he was saying: “While his head's up there he can check Jamie's prostate!“ 

Despite the change in his humor Sirius was intent on getting his hands under my shirt. I shivered when his fingers skimmed under my navel; this close to the moon my nerves were doubly sensitive, and I barely stifled my moan of pleasure. Sirius's hands were warm and soft, as expected from aristocratic stock. 

“I really want you to stay, Remus.” He rumbled in my ear. I was gone. I'd be staying and I knew it. There is no fighting Sirius' sensual persuasion. If there is a way to fight it I don’t think I really want to know.

“You’ll get tired of me, all on our own.” It was a token protest; it wouldn’t do for Sirius to know how easily he could manipulate me. 

“More likely, you’ll tire of curry, or stumbling over my boots.

"I like your curry.” I muttered as he kissed my neck, there wasn’t much else I could think of to say. Sirius laughed in the breathy way that was just a touch too boyish. "Y'great daft puppy." 

"Stay with me."

And again, it wasn’t a question.


End file.
